Today, as I was cleaning some drawers in my bedroom, I came across my old portfolio... About 25 years ago, when I was in college, I worked as a model for a few years. It never amounted to much, but I had a lot of fun and the pay was decent. For someone who grew up with serious self esteem issues (mostly because my five siblings figured out early enough that my vulnerability and sensitivity made me an easy target for being made fun of!!), this was quite a feat!!!
Eventually, I grew a back bone and I can honestly say that I have conquered a lot of my insecurities and have become a strong woman! But, looking at these pictures, I found myself in the middle of an unexpected feeling... Not so much longing for that hot bod (it would be nice, though....), but a certain sadness, as I realized that it has been years since I have looked in the mirror and TRULY felt pretty and attractive!! Mostly because of my weight... I really don't think I have been kind to myself!! Mind you, yes I am a busy mom of four, with very little time to pamper myself, and a wonderful husband who thinks I am beautiful no matter what, but even though I have been talking about losing weight for the past couple of years, the truth is I have had a hard time finding the willpower to follow through!! I can't remember the last time I went to a store, tried out clothes and actually liked what I saw!!! This really saddens me...
So, this is the time I WILL do something about it!! I actually walked by the ice-cream isle yesterday at the store and resisted the urge to buy a pint of Haagen Dazs! One little victory! I'll even go further... I will post my weight loss progress on my side bar!! I don't want to be overly ambitious but I will be happy with a 30 lb loss!! All eyes on me will make it harder for me to cheat! I really don't have a plan, but I think that if I stop eating sweets (my ultimate comfort food!) and start exercizing regularly (remember, my doctor called me a lard ass...), I can see some progress, slow as it may be! So, wish me luck!!! I will stop being like the woman who posted a note on her mirror which read "My diet starts tomorrow!", and would squeal with delight every morning and say "Thank goodness it's not today!!!"
Note: I love my doctor, I've had her for years, she is super funny and it was all in good fun that she made that comment!! No hard feelings, we had a great laugh!!!
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