The immeasurable

A few days ago, a blog post I read from my neighbor Sarah stirred up a lot of emotions in me... In a nutshell, she was opening up about one of those "mommy moments" we are not proud of... A friend had called and told her that her sophomore daughter had been ranked #1 based on performance during freshman year at our local high school. Sarah (who also has a sophomore, just like me), rather than feeling happy for her, let her competitive side come out and felt angry and hurt that her son wouldn't "measure up" the same way... We've all been there... Society sets standards, grades, rankings, and we do our best (and expect ours) to measure up... Be it in academics, sports, jobs, credit, we try to achieve the highest grades, scores, salaries, and measure our worth by quantifiable numbers... Sarah mentioned how her son was bright beyond his years, yet his performance at school was "average" according to academic standards....


My three girls have always excelled in school. I have never had to worry about their grades, they are smart, responsible, secure young women and I have always been proud of their accomplishments. My son does not excell in school... His literacy level is poor, he hates to read or write, and his behavior at school (he likes to be a goof ball) is considered disruptive at times. School conferences cause me anxiety, because I never know what I am going to hear... His social skills are getting much better but they were a struggle in the beginning because he is very strong minded and has an "anger issue" (so say his sisters!). He has a hard time working independently... Doesn't complete his work in class and often brings it home to finish... Homework can be a struggle, only if he doesn't feel like it...

But here is the irony: he is extremely smart. He has a mathematical mind, he is an excellent problem solver and a very creative entrepreneur, in his own right. He will build you an airplane out of sticks and masking tape in minutes. He is very (and I mean very!) strong minded - after all, he was the only kid in his two years of preschool that refused to dress up for the halloween party... I figured his decisive, non-conformist ways may come in handy when the time comes to resist peer pressure to drink or do drugs... Oh, and he looooooves money, he is always trying to figure out how to make a buck, even if it means trying to sell empty water bottles or rides in his bycicle-attached wagon... Or smile for the family picture!!

Yet, I worry. I worry that his grades will hold him back... I worry that he will struggle to meet academic expectations... I worry that society will "box" him in and judge him by a number... I worry that he will be made to feel he is not "good enough"...

Raising my son has presented, and will continue to present, many challenges, many more than I ever expected (remember this post?)... I was told, when he was born weighing 10 lbs 2 oz, that he was going to be a handful... But rather that dwell on the "why can't it be easier?", I am embracing those challenges... I think the rewards will be tremendous, and I have to look beyond the small setbacks to see the big picture. Even though academic excellence doesn't come as easy to him as it does to his sisters, there is absolutely no way I could ever measure up how proud I am of my son and how much joy he brings to our lives...

The other day I was talking to my dad on the phone. He was asking me how "Dennis the Menace" was doing - my dad's nickname to my son. I always tell him about all the latest comical episodes my son has starred in... Like when he made a mess with toys in the living room, and my husband said "Hey, buddy, help me clean this up", to which he replied "You're a big guy, you can do it all by yourself...!" I was sharing some of my concerns, and my dad reminded me of something that had made him laugh histerically! On our summer visit to Italy, we faced a major heat wave. My son insisted that we buy him a hand held accordeon fan, so I gave him 3 euros and he bought one. Shortly after, we hoped onto a bus and I saw my oldest daughter handing over a coin to him in exchange for the fan. When I asked her what was going on, she told me that her brother was "renting" the use of the fan in exchange for an euro... Reminiscing about this, my dad laughed again, and told me that I should never, EVER, be worried about my son's ability to be successful in life...!!